Missing you, Lara Alvarez

Sasquatch. Loch Ness. Atlantis. Norfolk Enchants. Mysterious legends all.

Let us add to this baffling list the online disappearance of noteworthy South American Lara Alvarez.

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Where the fuck did she go? It’s been 2 years since we seen her.

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Investigators deduced that her ass checks out.

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She made some serious peso modeling the Raggedy Ann underpants line.

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Did she take the money and run?

We need volunteers to comb the Pampas and find out.

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She has nice ass.

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Come back, Lara.

Roberto, you are not alone

Lonely life of Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, the man with the world’s longest penis

“Look where it is, it goes far below the knees”

How many times have I had to say that, whether at a bus depot or behind a dumpster while scavenging for food and companionship?

wang

And yet I trudge on down lonely highways like a modern day Bruce Banner, scaring women with the hulk in my pants.

But what do women know anyway? They can never understand the burdens that come with a massive wang.

Roberto’s story gives me the strength to reach out to others who may also be lonely, hung, and suffering.

If you have a tremendous dong and nowhere to put it please speak up – this is a safe place for us.

Also, let’s go camping.

——–-this from jack…———-

Roberto,

I understand your loneliness, and you have my empathy. I too share the trait that scurries men into the shadows, and causes women to gasp in terror and wonder. I remember how empty I felt in college when a young girl described my pene as a “baby’s arm holding an apple”. pug2My sadness grew as she told her friends, and it forced me to make several sacrifices in my life. Of course I’m not talking about eating garbage and not getting pussy- quite the opposite actually. Tell you the truth, I had a hell of a time.

I wish I could speak with you directly to share my story and offer you support. However, there is no social or professional benefit to me learning your language. Moreover, I am in the process of picking a presidential candidate who will build the biggest wall between our countries. You see amigo, sometimes bigger is better.

Cordially,

JACK MAEHOFFER

Down home Meat on Friday

Pro tip: Wimpy garnered respect from restauranteurs and fellow patrons alike by tucking linen into his collar thereby protecting his necktie and shirt.

Melon
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Escargot
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TDT Roadhouse 64 oz. Challenge Steak
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The WhatBid?
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Tub Washed Oysters
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Roasted Springbok
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Porterhouse
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Veal
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South African Bomb Pops
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Bon appetite los animales!

Beyond the clickthru

POWER G‘s expert eye laid it bare in an email about some Wednesday culo: This may be the best clickthru ever.

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He well may be right.

Subsequent investigative efforts only lead to generic porn sites unworthy of her majestic culo stature.

Some thing matter. The pursuit for more will continue because tradesmen never quit, although sometimes they get distracted and forget.

Ashley Madison hack continued

I’ve had some productive information sharing via email re: ashley madison … keep the emails coming. thedanzatap@yahoo.com

My info is being hung out to dry too, got my password I didn’t even know AM had.

amsite

What I’m doing is building a database for simple query. No 3rd party buttholes, aka scammers.

It’s a lot of data and new to me so I can’t just take a term/name/email and query it yet – I’m better with gaming google results than database management.

Here’s a reddit site that I find best to keep current – good info being passed around, be mindful of scammers pretending to be victims. A lot of geography based lists of AM customers being posted.

Also beware of sites like this – they are slick scams. Or how about this one which has a convenient “AM check”, setting itself up depending on whether you want to hide from or uncover AshleyMadison use. Probably doubles as a divorce attorney.

The long and short of it is nothing will stop foreign web dudes, who already are the world leaders in making shady money. The more I’m immersed in this story the more sense it makes – it’s a big shake down, not a mad hacker with morals. If hackers had morals, porn sites and the rest would have been targeted long ago. AM proved too tempting a target.

I’m slowly hobbling together a best practices and/or FAQ regarding on what to do if your name is ensnarled in the AshleyMadison Hack.

So feel free to contact me thedanzatap@yahoo.com – learning as we go.

And a Duggar got busted, as you probably know. They’re saying he’s been boffing porn star, Danica Dillon…

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I’m sure.

The story is typical Ashley Madison experience. Lies and no one knows who to believe.